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Same-sex marriages continue despite ban | Print |  E-mail
Written by Elizabeth Limbach   
Monday, 01 December 2008

Why a handful of Santa Cruz religious leaders are keeping the wedding bells ringing

Marriage

For the brief five months that same-sex marriages were recognized by California state law, Rabbi Paula Marcus was able to say “by the power invested in me by the State of California” when she performed marriages for LGBT couples. She says that one sentence is the only thing that has changed since Proposition 8 passed on Nov. 4. 

Marcus, the associate rabbi at Temple Beth El , is one of many local religious leaders who will continue to perform same-sex marriages despite the 52 percent victory of Proposition 8, which amended the California Constitution to define marriage as between “one man and one woman.” She feels that it is the religious community’s job to continue to look after the other 48 percent (71 percent in Santa Cruz County) who were in favor of granting equal marriage rights to all Californians.

“There is sadness and disappointment [after the election], but we are going to keep marrying people because, as religious leaders, this is the work we do: joining people,” she says. Marcus married three same-sex couples after the California high court ruling in May that made it legal, including a lesbian couple at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay on Nov. 1—just three days before the election. However, she says that she was performing weddings for members of the LGBT community long before the historic 2008 ruling.

The same goes for Dave Grishaw-Jones, senior minister of First Congregational United Church of Christ in Santa Cruz . “We didn’t wait for the California Supreme Court to tell us we could,” he says. “We believed from the beginning that all of these couples deserve and merit the same kind of love and enthusiasm the rest of us get.”

Grishaw-Jones has presided over several dozen gay marriages over the years, including a “flurry” of them in the weeks leading up to the election. He, too, has no intention of stopping now that the state has deemed it illegal. The only difference will be that, like in years past, they will be religiously sanctioned, rather than legally. In the eyes of the state, this means that any such wedding is actually a “commitment ceremony,” although Grishaw-Jones would disagree.

“I’ve always called these marriages,” he says. “In the eyes of the community and in the eyes of God, it is my job to help these couples express their commitment to each other. It’s the state’s job to sort out their business and make sure everyone gets equal rights, but it doesn’t change what we do in this community.

“We will absolutely, positively continue with even more resolve to really bless and care for these couples,” he adds.

Progressive religious centers, such as First Congregational, Temple Beth El, and Inner Light Ministries in Santa Cruz , were in an interesting position when it came to Proposition 8. Even amongst faith groups that do not condemn homosexuality, many still uphold marriage as a “one man, one woman” deal. These religious communities were the fuel for Proposition 8. The religious momentum behind the proposition reflected the fundamental ideological differences within the faith. Grishaw-Jones has dealt with these discrepancies for a long time, and often welcomes LGBT people into his congregation who are seeking refuge from more restrictive religious spaces.

“Churches and religious institutions do all sorts of crazy things, but it’s painful to see the cost in terms of peoples lives,” he says. He says that it was imperative, albeit difficult, to act as opposition to their Christian counterparts throughout the campaign

“In the end, God is not the God of judgment, but of welcoming,” he says. “The Catholics have really missed the boat on this one, and the Mormons have as well. The Fundamentalist Protestants perhaps more than the rest.”

Although there was not much talk across the pews during the campaign, progressive religious groups are now interested increasing their outreach to the more conservative communities that helped pass the proposition.

“Rather than the religious left and right barking at one another, there is an interest amongst us in this progressive church to reach out and maybe bump that 48 percent higher,” Grishaw-Jones says with hope.

Rather than maintain restrictive beliefs, he says that religious bodies should be at the forefront of social change. “Religion has always been a setting where difficult issues and social movement can be discussed. The anti-slavery and women’s suffrage movements were started in the church, not in politics.”

Dan Kimball is the Pastor at Vintage Faith , a Santa Cruz church that does not allow same-sex marriage but did not publicly support Proposition 8. When it comes to politics, Kimball says that Vintage Faith encourages its congregation to use their God-given mind and the teachings of the Scriptures to make their voting decisions. 

"Our prayer is that people will be able to study, pray and discern what Scriptures say or don't say about all types of issues that may come up in any decision they make in life, whether [they are] personal day to day decisions about how to be a mom or dad or about loving others, or about how they vote on propositions," he says.

He calls Vintage Faith "moderately conservative church in terms of theology, but very progressive culturally," and recognizes that other religious institutions who also stick closely to the Scripture may take more restrictive routes.

"There are many churches who hold conservative viewpoints on things Scripturally, but do so in a loving, winsome, intelligent and holistic way. However, some churches who don't [allow same sex-marriage] certainly can have bad attitudes," he says, adding that these attitudes help to create negative public opinion of the religion.

He hopes that churches who do not support gay marriage are not lumped in with the politics of Prop 8, as many in those communities, such as himself, feel strongly that the issue is full of "sensitivity with real people's lives and real people's dreams."

Religious leaders like Grishaw-Jones and Marcus want to challenge the institutions that claim there is no room in religion for homosexuality. The Bible has been interpreted to mean many things; however, Grishaw-Jones says that if the book is clear about one thing, it is “love and justice.”

“The heartbeat of Christian religion has to do with how we care for one another,” he says. “What we believe now about love and human sexuality is that you can love in all kinds of ways and what is most important is that you do it with respect.”

Marcus says that the answer is in the first pages of the Bible. As the story goes, God created the heavens and the earth and “it was good.” But then he created a lone man, and it wasn’t so good. “He says it is not good for a human being to be alone,” she says. “Each person is blessed with the divine right to find a partner, whomever that may be.” 

These local religious communities have joined the thousands of Prop 8 protesters across California to continue fighting the amendment. Grishaw-Jones spoke at the Nov. 18 Santa Cruz County Board of Supervisors meeting, urging the county to join San Francisco’s lawsuit against the proposition. The board voted unanimously to do so. Both he and Marcus, along with many others from the LGBT religious community, spoke words of comfort to a crowd of hundreds at a post-Prop 8 vigil on Nov. 8 at First Congregational.

But the biggest way they will continue to fight for equal rights to marry? By continuing to perform same-sex marriages. As for including the “by the power invested in me” California stamp of approval in her wedding ceremonies, Marcus is optimistic. She says, “We’re hoping I get to say that again soon.”

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This might become one of the ultimate ironies of Proposition 8. All the LGBT community wanted was the civil right of marriage and to leave religion out of the equation. Some same sex couple would have chosen religious marriages with the welcoming congregations they already belonged to, but it would have been a smaller percentage. Now, by discriminating with civil marriage, those conservative relgions have push same sex couple to religious marriage. The very ideal they were seeking to protect. Yet the one realm that they have no control over outside of their congregation.
CLA , December 01, 2008
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Well, if I were gay...I'd just stop paying my taxes. Don't expect me to pay equally if you're not going to recognize me equally. Hell...now that I think about it, if I could avoid taxes, I might convert.
Brian Griffin , December 01, 2008
Mosquito Bite
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When I grow up I will marry a tree, or everyone in the County, or hmmmm? aaall you need is love, like Mr. Grisham-Jones says; you dont need Jesus; you need the Beatles; Jesus died on the Cross for the sins of the world, they say. Who did the Beatles die for? Well, no one sins anymore; I am really happy; I just live for myself and try to do good when it is a convenient 'truth;' it makes me feel like i have loved others, and that is Justice. God is who we make: human beings. If i oops, then as God, I abort it. Is there a God we can know, talk to and love, who will forgive us prodigals? Nah, it is so cool to go everywhere. I need a new yoga mat. I'm so blissed out! There can't be a personal God; I dont ask why; that's against the existentialism rules. I read Psalm 51, John 1 and Romans 1. Just dont read the Bible. I dont get answers that are too real. That's against the postmodernism rules. I am/We are the final authority. Period. We need to get that 48% over the 50 line. Huh? hmmmmm? I'm not confused. I'm not; i'm not; i'm not.
bosquindo , December 02, 2008
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It is most interesting that, in fact, if marriage were left to the churches as so many want, the discussion of same sex marriage would be over. The simple fact is many people who want to falsely claim marriage as a religious commitment really only want to stop same sex marriage. They aren't really interested in the religious aspect unless it supports their agenda. Proposition 8 has used the law to interfere in the practice of many people's religion as witnessed by this very article, yet the anti-marriage crowd whine constantly that allowing same sex marriage interferes with their religion. Apparently these people believe that in this country, one religion should supersede other religions. In the end, the anti-marriage crowd want to stop freedom of religion and remove civil rights from anyone they think shouldn't have them. If they succeed, we will be seeing the decline of our national heritage and everything this country was built on.
MikeNYC , December 02, 2008
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This is the most hilarious article I have ever seen; more hilarious than the campaigning of Prop 8 opposers.

"You took my right away .." waaah waaah waaah. It passed for a period of 5 months, most of which were certain it would be overturned in November.

But please do continue with the protesting and what not. Otherwise, all tht would be left on newspapers (offline and certainly online) are REAL NEWS.
HIlarious , December 03, 2008
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I guess it will be a real low blow when same sex marriage becomes legal in all 50 states. I wonder who will be left to hate then?
MikeNYC , December 04, 2008
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unless there is different information, have not there been civil unions in this great state since 05'??????????????
......... , December 14, 2008
Idiot savant
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In response to Halliarious over there, We in the LGBT community are not acting like babies, we leave that abuse up top you straight people, we are saying you dumb ass, That everyone is Fine with gay fashion and gay film makers and all the money that we use to keep Art alive but when we ask can we be finally seen as equally misrerable to the straights all of a sudden every has found Jesussssss !!!! WWJD asshole, straight people get pregant, and they have Abortions, Straight people get married and have affairs and Divorce, straight people are the ones who don't have any values, Do you really believe there are terrorist becasue you seem like you would be that dumb ! do you really belive that gays would really effect your life that much???? were already here. We well most gays want the opportunity to Marry, I think marriage is for people any person afraid to live alone, but that said, It wasn't an issue until the straight world made it one, we will over turn this becasue gay people are more creative and versed in the law then all you back ass rednecks!!!!!!
camille , December 16, 2008

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