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Apr 17th
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Big Bang Theory

AE_Chelsea_Handler1Queen of comedy and New York Times bestseller Chelsea Handler gives birth to her third book
If the name Chelsea Handler hasn’t yet crossed your path, don’t worry, it will. This devilish darling is a busy girl these days what with her hit show Chelsea Lately on the cable television network E! Entertainment, her whirlwind nationwide comedy tour and promoting her recently released third bestselling book “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang.”

Characterized by hilarious quips, modicums of irony and a heavy sprinkling of sarcasm, Handler’s latest literary foray verges on the impertinent. Zany tales bordering the far side of ludicrous abound as this rising star of comedy has shown she is so capable of creating. Filled with riotous tales of her perpetually unpredictable life—such as attempting to adopt a miniature horse, fooling her boyfriend into attending a funeral for a dog she claimed she had accidentally killed, her failed attempt to find her overweight driver a hook up in the Turks and Caicos, and, of course, myriad tales of torture and sibling rivalry that emerge from growing up within a large Jewish East Coast family—“Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” may be Handler’s best book yet.

Irreverent, flippant and sassy, “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” is filled with missives about her CEO boyfriend who she describes as “… a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn’t cry when he wakes up,” friends and co-workers she plays tricks on and her offbeat family (what could be more perfect fodder for a comedic dispatch than one’s family after all?). Perhaps only from the mouth (or the pen) of AE_Chelsea_Handler2Handler could such blatantly cheeky phrases flow. Similar to her sassy witticisms heard on her hit TV show, her book finds her waxing sarcastic about the latest in celebrity gossip, family drama and other embarrassing tidbits about the lives of her near and dear.

Some of the best lines include, “There were spilled glasses of Diet Canada Dry ginger ale strewn next to my bed that I hadn’t even attempted to clean up, leaving the carpet with the same texture it would have if the Octomom’s water had broken,” and “My bloody mary from earlier had evaporated, so I went to make myself another one,” as well as “Ted and I have always differed in policies when it comes to other humans. He’s generally not interested in people and doesn’t even pretend to try, whereas I’m fascinated by anyone and everything, especially if it involves a childhood story about an inappropriate uncle or obesity” and “… My least favorite invention, LOL. You wouldn’t say LOL if you were out to lunch with someone, so why would you write it in an instant message or an email? Just laugh alone in your office or house. I don’t need to be notified that you’re laughing. If someone is busy laughing, then how do they have the time to be typing the letters LOL?” Doozies one and all. Handler is like the entertaining yet saucy best friend we all wish we had—the one with the wild and rowdy stories that we secretly desire had happened to us.

“Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” is this comedic author’s third book. And she seems to have the Midas touch in the publishing world considering all three of her books have turned into literary gold, simultaneously remaining on the New York Times Bestseller list for weeks on end. You may remember “My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands,” Handler’s recollections of her more memorable sexual encounters, while her other book “Are You There Vodka? It’s me Chelsea,” delves into her many quirks, including her nearly maniacal love for Belvedere vodka.

From the first chapter where Handler fondly recalls attending a sleepover where a friend taught all the guests how to attain “the feeling” to the last chapter in which she recounts her tendency to “make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement,” Handler has the talent of making you laugh at nearly every sentence in the entire 244 page book.


Chelsea Handler was scheduled to appear at Bookshop Santa Cruz on Aug. 7, but unfortunately the author had to cancel unexpectedly. However, copies of “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” can still be purchased at Bookshop Santa Cruz, 1520 Pacific Ave., Santa Cruz. bookshopsantacruz.com. She performs at 8 p.m. at Mountain Winery in Saratoga on Aug. 7.
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Growing Hope

Campos Seguros combats sexual assault in the Watsonville farmworker community Farm work was a way of life for Rocio Camargo, who grew up in Watsonville as the daughter of Mexican immigrants. Her parents met while working the fields 30 years ago, and her father went on to run Fuentes Berry Farms.

 

Cardinal Grand Cross in the Sky

Following Holy Week (passion, death and burial of the Pisces World Teacher) and Easter Sunday (Resurrection Festival), from April 19 to the 23, the long-awaited and discussed Cardinal Cross of Change appears in the sky, composed of Cardinal signs Aries, Libra, Cancer, and Capricorn, with planets (13-14 degrees) Uranus (in Aries), Jupiter (in Cancer), Mars (in Libra) and Pluto (in Capricorn), an actual geometrical square or cross configuration. Cardinal signs mark the seasons of change, initiating new realities.

 

Sugar: The New Tobacco?

Proposed bill would require warning labels on sugary drinks Will soda and other saccharine libations soon come with a health warning? They will if it’s up to our state senator, Bill Monning (D-Carmel). On Feb. 27, Monning proposed first-of-its-kind legislation that would require a consumer warning label be placed on sugar-sweetened beverages sold in California. SB 1000, also known as the Sugar-Sweetened Beverages Safety Warning Act, was proposed to provide vital information to consumers about the harmful effects of consuming sugary drinks, such as sodas, sports drinks, energy drinks, and sweetened teas.

 

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Foodie File: Red Apple Cafe

Breakfast takes center stage at Gracia Krakauer's Red Apple Cafe Before they moved to Aptos, Gracia and her husband Dan Krakauer would visit friends in Santa Cruz County and eat at the Red Apple Café all the time. Then they moved up here from Santa Monica five years ago, and bought the Aptos location (there’s a separate one in Watsonville) from the family who owned it for two decades.

 

How would you feel about a tech industry boom in Santa Cruz?

I feel like it would ruin the small old-town feeling of Santa Cruz. It wouldn’t be the same Surf City kind of vacation town that it is. Antoinette BennettSanta Cruz | Construction Management

 

Best of Santa Cruz County

The 2013 Santa Cruz County Readers' Poll and Critics’ Picks It’s our biggest issue of the year, and in it, your votes—more than 6,500 of them—determined the winners of The Best of Santa Cruz County Readers’ Poll. New to the long list of local restaurants, shops and other notables that captured your interest: Best Beer Selection, Best Locally Owned Business, Best Customer Service and Best Marijuana Dispensary. In the meantime, many readers were ever so chatty online about potential new categories. Some of the suggestions that stood out: Best Teen Program and Best Web Design/Designer. But what about: Dog Park, Church, Hotel, Local Farm, Therapist (I second that!) or Sports Bar—not to be confused with Bra. Our favorite suggestion: Best Act of Kindness—one reader noted Café Gratitude and the free meals it offered to the Santa Cruz Police Department in the aftermath of recent crimes. Perhaps some of these can be woven into next year’s ballot, so stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy the following pages and take note of our Critics’ Picks, too, beginning on page 91. A big thanks for voting—and for reading—and an even bigger congratulations to all of the winners. Enjoy.  -Greg Archer, EditorBest of Santa Cruz County Readers’ Poll INDEX

 

Trout Gulch Vineyards

Cinsault 2012—la grande plage diurne The most popular wines on store shelves are those most generally known and available—Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot, which are all superb for sure. But when you come across a more unusual varietal, like Trout Gulch Vineyards’ Cinsault ($18), it opens up a whole new world.