My mother (96) died last week, 10:30 a.m., Thursday, March 13, 2014. For the past nine months I never left her. I am in her home. Surrounding me everywhere are her creative (she was Leo Sun) efforts to make a beautiful home and gardens. Everything around me is my mother. However, wherever I look, her precious body is no longer here. I am devastated, in grief, in bereavement and anguish. During these last nine months all activities, each breath I took, was for my mother.
I realize in my grief that all my life I have been seeking my mother. The nine months (nine tests, gestation to birth) were very difficult. Mother’s illness demanded skills I did not possess. Often at a loss as moment-by-moment emergencies ceaselessly occurred, I stood by helpless. She would cry out “Help me, help me!” I would ask, “How can I help, Mother?” She would say, “I don’t know. Find me in your heart. Love me.” Now with her gone I do not know why I should go on.