Santa Cruz Good Times

Friday
May 22nd
Text size
  • Increase font size
  • Default font size
  • Decrease font size

Rock Me Like a False Alarm

Kim_Luke2(Note: Writing humorous essays involving hurricanes during hurricane season is insensitive, reckless and ill-advised. The author recognizes this. She is currently planning a series of pieces on drunk Santas, so clearly has no perception of social boundaries. She feels awful about this.) 

September is underway, another school year has begun, and I, along with legions of my writing peers, had planned an annual ritual dripping with nostalgia: a poignant, amusing column on the back-to-school miracle affecting anyone past the age of … back-to-school, waxing poetic about sharpened pencils and fresh lined paper. I had even undertaken a project to empathize with my kids’ hours of mind-numbing boredom during less than interesting academic subjects. (FYI, I intended to study a topic about which I have absolutely no curiosity whatsoever, find chillingly dull, and causes my eyeballs to melt from lack of interest: What to Expect When I’m Expecting. This took much consideration. My list also included Other People’s Drug Trips and Hedge Funds. Also note— it’s very difficult to think of things about which one doesn’t give a hoot. It’s elementally counterintuitive.)

In any case, my crisp autumn-lust metaphors were ready to flow when the impossible happened. I was swept into the path of a hurricane, literally and figuratively, and any trite observations on saddle shoes took a back seat to trite observations on fate.

Bermuda is a slice of paradise in the North Atlantic, 640 miles from Cape Hatteras, N.C. I’d heard tales of Bermuda and both its natural beauty and man-made luxuries. I found myself headed for the island(s) for a lavish family wedding along with 40 or so of my favorite relatives. Also headed for the area, with the same estimated arrival time: Hurricane Danielle.

Let’s cut right to the chase here. If I were sitting on my couch watching CNN coverage of a hurricane-ravaged resort community, following the plight of tourists who had flown in for the event, I would utilize colorful language to describe their sanity and/or intelligence.  Counter that with the guarantee that to forego the trip because of “a little weather,” as my extended family members were describing it, would invite public mocking for the foreseeable future, to my face, and in the case of divorce or death—behind my back, with continued gusto. Apparently I was the only person involved who gave the then-category 2 storm a second thought. Apparently I was the only fan of 1970s-era disaster movies, because I immediately cast myself in Hurricane Wedding! with Charleton Heston and Shelley Winters. And apparently, due to my hysterics, I would perish first as the twitchy in-law, swept away to the strains of “Celebration.”

Forging ahead, I prepared in every way I could: re-filling all legally available prescription relaxants, obsessing over Internet storm updates, and crying at stop signs. I thought, “They can’t make me go!” stomped my feet and slammed doors. But picturing the people meeting us in Bermuda, their blanket dismissal of Mother Nature’s alleged ability to crash the party, and the respect I have for their hardy and unstoppable demeanor in general, I considered that for once maybe I was wrong and everyone else was right. (This led to more crying, because while I may have been wrong once or twice in my life, I certainly never admitted it before.) Little did I know how wrong I could be.

The flight to Bermuda was problem-free. The weather there was perfect, with minimal wind and rain. I discovered an untapped talent that had lain dormant for lo these thirty years—standing in a pool drinking Piña Coladas (it turns out I am quite gifted in this regard and willing to tutor others). The flight home was equally uneventful. Danielle was a bust and I emerged unscathed, tanned, and proven wrong. The only tragedy I suffered were the nachos at the Fox Sports Bar at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport.

How is this an observation on fate? How can this non-story possibly sideline what surely would have been a fantastic swipe at soppy bookish reminiscences? In addition to confirming my melodramatic nature, I learned something about myself: I do not take chances. This might be a shock to those who know me, or know of me. From all outward appearances I seem like a real nut, but there you have it. I am outing myself as a non-risktaker, and won’t take it sitting down (as would best befit my former non-risktaking self). I will stand and fling myself into all oncoming hurricanes (albeit figuratively from now on) because that’s where the Piña Coladas are. And by the way, don’t expect anything when you’re expecting—it’ll probably just be a baby.


Kim Luke is currently enjoying sharpened pencils and dry land. To cast dispersions or affirmations, please email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Send comments on this article to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Comments (0)Add Comment

Write comment
smaller | bigger

busy
 

Share this on your social networks

Bookmark and Share

Share this

Bookmark and Share

 

Gate Openers

Up-and-coming artists like Ryan Bingham are a great reason to show up early to the Santa Cruz American Music Festival

 

Gemini Sun, Pentecost, Shavuot—Enlightenment and Gladness

As the sun enters Gemini on Sunday, sign of speaking, communication, thinking, inter-relations, writing and understanding languages, the feast days of Pentecost & Shavuot (Catholic and Jewish festivals) occur. During Pentecost’s 50 days after Easter, tongues of fire appear above the heads of the disciples, providing them with the ability to understand all languages and all feelings hidden in the minds and hearts of humanity. It’s recorded that Pentecost began with a loud noise, which happened in an upper room (signifying the mind). The Christ (World Teacher) told his disciples (after his ascension) when encountering a man at a well carrying a water pot (signs for Age of Aquarius) to follow him to an upper room. There, the Holy Spirit (Ray 3 of Divine Intelligence) would overshadow them, expand their minds, give them courage and enable them to teach throughout the world, speaking all languages and thus able to minister to the true needs of a “seeking” humanity. Pentecost (50 days, pentagram, Ray 5, Venus, concrete and scientific knowledge, the Ray of Aquarius) sounds dramatic, impressive and scary: The loud noise, a thunderous rush of wind and then “tongues of fire” above the heads of each disciple (men and women). Fire has purpose. It purifies, disintegrates, purges, transforms and liberates (frees) us from the past. This was the Holy Spirit (Ray 3, love and wisdom) being received by the disciples, so they would teach in the world and inform humanity of the Messiah (Christ), who initiated the new age (Pisces) and gave humanity the new law (adding to the 10 Commandments of the Aries Age) to Love (Ray 2) one another. Note: Gemini is also Ray 2. Shavuot is the Jewish Festival of Gladness, the First Fruits Festival celebrating the giving of the 10 Commandments to Moses as the Aries Age was initiated. Thus, we have two developmental stages here, Jewish festival of the Old Testament. Pentecost of the New Testament. We have gladness, integrating both.

 

The New Tech Nexus

Community leaders in science and technology unite to form web-based networking program

 

Off Her Meds

Kristin Wiig runs wild—and transcends her sketch comedy roots—as a truly strange character ‘Welcome to Me’
Sign up for Good Times weekly newsletter
Get the latest news, events

RSS Feed Burner

 Subscribe in a reader

Latest Comments

 

Flats Bistro

Pizza with an artisan twist comes to Aptos Beach

 

What’s your take on Santa Cruz locals?

Santa Cruz locals are really friendly once you know them. I think a lot of them have a hard time leaving, and I would too. Ryan Carle, Santa Cruz, Biologist

 

Soquel Vineyards

If Soquel Vineyards partners Peter and Paul Bargetto and Jon Morgan were walking down the street wearing their winning wine competition medals, you’d hear them coming from a mile away. This year was particularly rewarding for the Bargettos and Morgan—they won two Double Gold Medals and five Gold Medals at January’s San Francisco Chronicle Wine Competition.

 

Enlightened Flavors

Squash & Blossom’s artisanal alternative-flour delights, beet kvass from Cafe Ivéta, and the Santa Cruz Baroque Festival